To Release the Pain
by Simbelmyrne
Summary: **complete** The whole Fellowship is devastated after the fall of Gandalf in the Mines of Moria. In Lothlórien Legolas struggles with his grief and pride, and his friend Haldir is there to help him.


Title: To Release the Pain  
  
By: Simbelmynë  
  
Warnings: Perhaps only slightly implied slash. Nothing to freak out about.  
  
Summary: The whole Fellowship is devastated after the fall of Gandalf in the Mines of Moria. In Lothlórien Legolas struggles with his grief and his pride, and his friend Haldir is there to help him. **complete**  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own anything. Characters belong to J.R.R Tolkien (love you). "The Lament for Gandalf" have I borrowed from FotR-movie. Words and music (pretend you hear it.. ) by Philippa Boyens and Howard Shore.  
  
A/N: I really missed Legolas' reaction and grief in The Fellowship of the Ring, which we just got a short short glimpse of.. And I added Haldir too because they're awesome together. I really can't say it's slash, perhaps some hints here and there. But honestly: I love slash, though I can't for my life write it. Thanks for reading, please leave a review.  
  
// = Legolas' thoughts  
  
~*~ ~*~ ~*~  
  
The Fellowship stumbled out of the Mines of Moria. The burden on their minds had grown heavier, almost unbearable heavy. In the dark mines they had lost their leader and dear friend Gandalf the Grey, by the Elves called Mithrandir. He had fought bravely against the Balrog of Morgorth on the Bridge of Khazad Dûm, and they had fallen together into the darkness.  
  
When it had been decided to form a Fellowship to journey to Mordor and destroy the One Ring, they all had volunteered by a free will. Gandalf the Grey, as the leader of the Fellowship. Aragorn, son of Arathorn, and Boromir, son of Denethor, represented the Men. Legolas, son of King Thranduil of Mirkwood, represented the Elves. Gimli, son of Glóin, represented the Dwarfs. And Frodo Baggins, Sam Gamgee, Merry Brandybuck and Pippin Took, represented the Hobbits, also called Halflings. But Frodo Baggins was to become one of the most important Hobbits in the history of Middle Earth, for he was the Ring bearer. The Ring of Power hung in a chain round his neck, and it just wanted to be put on.  
  
They all had known that the mission was very dangerous, but they never expected Gandalf to fall. And yet, when he did, they did not what to do. How to do next move.  
  
The Hobbits Merry and Pippin sat down on the rocky ground, Pippin with his head in Merry's lap. They were both crying and sobbing, tying to comfort each other. Sam sat a few meters away; his head in his hand and tears was running silently down his cheeks. Boromir was stopping Gimli from desperately going back in to the mines again and they struggled for a while.  
  
Aragorn, who now had the responsibility to lead the Fellowship, straightened himself up, wiped his sword off and said:  
  
"Legolas. Get them up!"  
  
Legolas reacted slowly, and he started to walk towards Merry and Pippin, to help them up. He could not think clear; all he felt was a nagging feeling deep inside him. A feeling of loss. And it was unfamiliar to him.  
  
"Give them a moment for pity's sake!" Boromir protested harshly against Aragorn's order.  
  
"By nightfall these hills will be swarming by orcs. We must reach the woods of Lothlórien." Aragorn said sternly and it seemed like Boromir understood the importance of not be surprised by the orcs one more time, vulnerable as they were now. "Come, Boromir. Legolas, Gimli, get them up. On your feet, Sam." Aragorn said, grabbed Sam and pulled him up.  
  
Legolas carefully helped Merry and Pippin up on their feet. He was still shocked over what had happened in the mines, and he knew that Aragorn had to swallow a great pain to be able to take over the leadership of the Fellowship so quickly.  
  
// Lothlórien.. The Golden Woods. How long was it since I was there? Too long. //  
  
Aragorn started to look around for Frodo.  
  
"Frodo? Frodo!"  
  
Frodo, who already had started to walk aimlessly, turned around and looked at his companions. Tears ran silently down on his pale cheeks, and the sight of the sad little Hobbit almost broke Legolas' heart.  
  
// How will the Halflings survive this? How will Frodo be able to finish his mission without Mithrandir? //  
  
Legolas glanced at Aragorn. The future King of Gondor looked determined, and started to walk in the direction he knew Lothlórien was. Boromir, Gimli and the three other Hobbits slowly followed him. All of them, especially the Hobbits, looked sorrowful. Frodo stood still at the same spot, tears still running down on his cheeks. It was too much for the Elf, so he walked over to the hobbit, knelt in front of him and said:  
  
"Frodo, we need to move on now. You will have your time in Lothlórien to think over everything."  
  
With a slender hand he wiped Frodo's tears away, gave him a half-hearted smile and rose.  
  
So could they leave the horrible area, but the memories could not be left behind.  
  
~*~ ~*~ ~*~  
  
When the Fellowship reached the woods of Lothlórien, they were all exhausted. A bit in, in the forest, their pace slowed down a little and they all could inhale the beautiful surroundings. The great mellyrn trees, which only existed in Lothlórien, rose high and proudly above their heads. The treetops seemed to shine in pure gold and here and there separate leaves fell down on to the moss covered forest floor. The smooth tree trunks shifted slightly in silvery grey. The one thing that was sounding was the faint rustle of the wind, which was playing softly in the treetops. The sound was comforting for almost the whole Fellowship, except for Gimli.  
  
"Stay close young hobbits!" he hissed to Frodo and Sam. "They say that a great sorceress lives in these woods. An Elf witch with terrible power. All who look upon her fall under her spell.."  
  
He cut himself off, and after a short pause he spoke again:  
  
"And are never seen again.."  
  
Legolas could not hold back a sad small smile. It was typical for Gimli; the suspicious and stubborn dwarf he had found himself grown fond of the last couple of days. Gimli could not understand what a blessing it was to be in the Golden Woods, which was protected by the Lady of Light, Galadriel, and Lord Celeborn.  
  
// A blessing, indeed.. Here we can finally relax and heal. //  
  
Suddenly his senses tensed. They were not alone anymore, but the dwarf kept on talking for he did not possessed the keen senses of the Elves.  
  
"Well.. Here's one dwarf she won't ensnare so easily. I have the eyes of a hawk and ears of a fox."  
  
From out of nowhere it seemed, it suddenly appeared a lots of Elves dressed in grey and dark green, all aiming arrows at the company.  
  
"Oh." Gimli said, completely taken by surprise.  
  
Legolas, who also had an arrow at the string of his bow, quickly glanced around to see if there were any familiar faces. He had visited Lothlórien a several times before, and had got to know a few from the Galadhrim.  
  
A tall supercilious looking elf stepped forward and said rather arrogantly to Gimli:  
  
"The dwarf breathes so loud we could have shot him in the dark."  
  
This time Legolas' beautiful features lit up in a real genuine smile, while he lowered his bow.  
  
// Haldir. You are as polite as usual, I see. //  
  
Legolas smiled even more when he heard the low growl of anger deep down from Gimli's throat.  
  
Haldir's deep blue eyes turned to Legolas, and a little smile played on his lips when he said:  
  
"Ah.. Legolas Thranduilion, mellon-nîn. So you are in the company of this.. dwarf. Not a very wise decision."  
  
The statement made Gimli growl even more, and he started to finger at the shaft of his axe, when Aragorn decided to take control over the situation.  
  
"Haldir ó Lórien. Henion aníron, boe amen i dulu lîn. Boe ammen veriad lîn."(Haldir of Lórien. We come here for help. We need you protection.)  
  
Gimli, who did not understood a word of it, started to look slightly desperate said urgently:  
  
"Aragorn! These woods are perilous. We should go back!"  
  
The smile disappeared from Haldir's lips, and he said:  
  
"You have entered the realm of the Lady of the Wood. You cannot go back. Come, she is waiting."  
  
~*~ ~*~ ~*~  
  
Humming Elven voices flew through the air and formed a brittle melody. The melody went through everything, right in the hearts of the Fellowship's members. They stopped in their doings, stood still and listened to the comforting melody. They had been given the permission of Lady Galadriel to build a small camp in the Elven city Caras Galadhorn.  
  
Legolas walked over to the nearest well, with a silvery bottle in his hands. He felt the cold water gush over his already frozen hands, when he lowered the bottle down in the clear water. When it was full he quickly took it up, and started to walk back to the camp. The melody filled his whole inner being and he looked up to the treetops and the talans, which were placed there. It was now becoming dark, and the talans were lit up by a soft light. Here and there he saw graceful elves walk around and talk to each other, all effected by the voices of the melody.  
  
"A lament for Gandalf." He said half to himself, half to his companions, who were standing still with their heads tilted up.  
  
"What do they say about him?" Merry asked carefully and shifted position slightly.  
  
Legolas lowered his head and hesitated for a second.  
  
"I have not the heart to tell you. For me the grief is still to near." He answered and looked at Merry with pain in his eyes.  
  
Merry accepted that with a small nod and went back to help Pippin, who had messed up his sheets.  
  
Legolas stood at the same spot, closed his eyes and listened.  
  
A Olórin i yáresse  
  
Mentaner i Númeheuri  
  
Tírien i Rómenóri  
  
Maiaron i Oiosaila  
  
Nórie i melanelye?  
  
*  
  
Olórin, who once was  
  
Sent by the Lords of the West  
  
To guard the lands of East  
  
Wisest of all Maiar  
  
What drove you to leave  
  
That witch you loved?  
  
~*~ ~*~ ~*~  
  
As the Fellowship started to get ready to sleep, Legolas rose and quietly walked away without being noticed by the others. He was not tired at all. He just wanted to be alone to think for a while and no one could be able to think, barely sleep, when Gimli was snoring. He knew that by own experience.  
  
He chose for him a well-known path to walk on, under the mellyrn trees. The lament still rang in his ears. After a while he stopped. He had found what he was heading to, the forest glade. The soft grass was covered by sweet niphrendil flowers, and the scent was calming to him.  
  
Every time he visited Lórien he went here. After he had been here few times, he brought his then new friend Haldir. After that the glade became their private glade, where they could sit and talk for a whole night while they were gazing up to the bright stars. Or they did not always have to talk. They could just lie in the grass, in each others company, and think.  
  
Legolas sank down, lied on his back and stretched out every slim limb of his body. In his thoughts he continued the lament.  
  
// Mithrandir, Mithrandir, A Randín Vithren. // (Mithrandir, Mithrandir, O Pilgrim Grey)  
  
He put his hands under his head and closed his eyes.  
  
// Ú-reniathach i amar galen. // (No more will you wander the green fields of this earth.)  
  
He felt the pain lie like a lump on the chest. He swallowed hard, still not opening his eyes.  
  
// I reniad lîn ne mór, nuithannen. // (Your journey has ended in the darkness.)  
  
He slowly sat up, pulled his knees to his chin and wrapped his long arms around his legs, not opening his eyes.  
  
"Will you not continue your singing?"  
  
Legolas did not have to open his eyes; he recognized the Lórien Elf's smooth voice. He could recognize it anywhere, anytime.  
  
"I was not aware of that fact that I was singing out loud. And especially not that I had someone that listened to me without revealing himself.. "Legolas said, slightly smiling and finally opening his eyes when Haldir sat down next to him.  
  
The Lórien Elf seemed to glow in the starlight. His silvery hair shone and his blue eyes were a strong contrast to his pale cheeks.  
  
"Were you looking for me, or did you come here for being by yourself?" Legolas asked.  
  
"Actually.. I wanted to be alone for a while." Haldir and smiled mischievously. "But now when I found you.. It was better like this. You should probably not be for yourself tonight."  
  
"And you always know best?"  
  
"Yes, I do, indeed."  
  
"I notice that." Legolas smiled.  
  
He shifted position again; he lay full-length on his back. Haldir, who sat with crossed legs, started to run his hand through Legolas' golden hair, along the small braids above the pointed ears. They stayed quiet for a while. Suddenly Legolas frowned slightly, which Haldir noticed.  
  
"Do you wish to tell me what you are thinking about, mellon-nîn?"  
  
"I.. " Legolas started. He drew his breath and said "Haldir, has someone you really care for past to the Halls of Mandos?"  
  
Haldir thought for a while, still playing with Legolas' hair.  
  
"No, not that I can remember. Of course, Elves in Galadhrim are getting hurt, and some of them even die.. but no one I stood close. Do you think at Mithrandir?"  
  
"Yes. It haunts me! And Aragorn, how can he handle this so calm?" Legolas said, and felt upset.  
  
"He is not calm, believe me. He just knows his responsibility now, and for the Ring bearer's safety he has to take control of the Fellowship." Haldir said softly.  
  
"It is.. just.. Anyone but Mithrandir! Why just him? We need him, I need him!"  
  
Legolas' voice broke at the last statement, and he started to lose control over himself. He sat straight up.  
  
"How long had you known Mithrandir? You seem much attached to him."  
  
"I don't know.. In many centuries. He has wandered in and out in my life, as the Grey Pilgrim he is. Or.. was." Legolas sighed and looked at the great mellyrn trees, avoiding Haldir's eyes. "Often he came to Mirkwood, or then called Greenwood. I have been sitting many hours in his company and listening at his wonderful stories about Arda and everything that is walking on it."  
  
He had trouble to say the last sentence, as his voice did not want to cooperate. He quickly stood up.  
  
"Legolas, you do not have to fight against it. I am your friend." Haldir said with a tender voice and also stood up.  
  
Legolas turned around, his back facing the Lórien Elf, when he felt tears burning behind the eyelids.  
  
// No. I am not going to show my self weak by crying like a maiden in front of Haldir. He does not have to see how I not can handle a loss. //  
  
His father, King Thranduil, had taught him the importance of being able to hide his feeling behind a neutral face.  
  
The two Elves stood silently a while; the only sound was birds singing with fragile voices. The starlight shone on the leaves on the mellyrn trees, and now they seemed to glow in silver.  
  
Legolas was desperately trying to get control of his features, and he was breathing heavily. He closed his eyes when he felt a slender hand touch one of his shoulders lightly. He swallowed hard, and pressed his right fist against his mouth, when the first sob slipped out of his mouth.  
  
Haldir turned Legolas around, to face him. Legolas slowly opened his eyes and removed the fist from his mouth. Two pairs of azure eyes met. One pair full of withdrawn grief and one pair full of concern.  
  
"Tîro nîn, Legolas! Sometimes it is for the best to forget all of your pride and let all of your grief out. You need it. You will be consumed otherwise." Haldir said softly and gave Legolas' shoulder a gentle pressure.  
  
Legolas winced at Haldir's words, with tears pricking his eyes. Slowly he sank down to his knees in the soft grass . He crouched with sobs shaking his whole graceful body.  
  
Haldir sank down in front of the shaking figure and wrapped his arms around him in a warm embrace. Glittery tears ran down on Legolas' pale cheeks, and he slid his arms around Haldir's slim waist, still shaking of sobs. He closed his eyes and tried to mentally push the dark emptiness inside him away.  
  
// When will the pain go away? Valar, spare me this.. Saes.. //  
  
He felt like the little Elfling he had not been for centuries. He just wanted to be rocked and comforted by a tender hand and a sweet voice.  
  
"The pain will go away, mellon-nîn. It will go away." Haldir said like he had read the other Elf's mind.  
  
A long time the two Elves stayed in the same position, with the arms around each other. And it took a long time before the Golden Prince of Mirkwood could stop crying and shaking, after he had broken the dam.  
  
The End  
  
~*~ ~*~ ~*~  
  
Mellon-nîn - my friend  
  
Tîro nîn - Look at me  
  
Saes - please  
  
A/N Well that was all folks.. This thought has been nagging me in a several weeks now so.. *phew*. Have a nice day, or something like that. 


End file.
